A Childhood to Forget
by Claudia Malakian
Summary: The diary of a young boy living a life of magic, abuse, and downright unhappiness. Goes right along with the story, Change of Heart.
1. Default Chapter

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A Childhood To Forget

By: Kylie Malfoy

Rating: PG-13 - Abuse in all ways possible

Disclaimer: Most of these characters belong to J.K. Rowling, but I do own the parents and some students.

Author's Note: This is the exact diary of Severus Snape based on _Change of Heart_. You'll see that it fits right along with what Severus tells Hermione in the later chapters.

Summary: The diary of a fourteen-year-old Slytherin boy suffering from abuse. Add on top of that that he's a Slytherin with barely any friends.


	2. Entry One

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Entry One

June 11, 1973

7:30 PM

It was painful to watch my father strike my mother like that. It was even more painful to hear her screams. Why did he do it, though? I never understood that.

It's kind of strange to see your parents argue, and then watch it turn into a battle. A one-man battle, really. My father would hit mum, and she'd take it, without a word.

I know their arguments are about me. I've eavesdropped, if you could really call it that. I don't really understand why they argue about me though. I'm never around.

Always at Hogwarts. That cursed school, the school where I have no friends. And Potter. I hate him so much! He thinks he's so perfect! Strutting around in his bloody Gryffindor robe, bragging about being the Seeker! I hate him so!

Of course, I have my advantages. I'm rich, for one. He's got a pretty Sickle, but not nearly as much as my family owns. But money isn't exactly everything. It can't buy you friendship, passion… it really can't get you anything you need, except food, shelter, and clothing.

I learned a long time ago the difference between needs and wants. Needs are a necessity. Wants are just cravings, things that you can live without. 

I never understood why Love wasn't qualified as a need. Without Love, you are nothing. But I've been raised to be cruel and heartless, and if I'm not, I'll receive the same thrashings my mother gets. 

As I hide in the living room closet, watching the battle my father and mother are having, I recall a certain Slytherin boy who has the same sort of problems I do. 

He's rich, being born in such a wealthy family. But his parents are constantly arguing and fighting. His mother is, as we speak, in the nearest hospital, no doubt in the ER. That's how much his father could do.

Come to think about it, I can't recall that boy's name. He has a bad attitude, for sure. But don't all Slytherins? Don't answer that! 

Oh, we haven't been properly introduced yet, have we? I seriously wouldn't mind remaining anonymous, but if you must know who I am, I shall tell you. 

My name is Severus Snape. I'm only twelve but I've come to the conclusion that my life's a living hell.

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This entry uploaded on: 8.27.02

A/N: So, does it seem like an interesting start? I do hope you like it, but it won't be updated as often as _Change of Heart_. The reason's obvious. I want to finish _Change of Heart_ before I go too deep into this.


	3. Entry Two

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Entry Two

June 12, 1973

9:30 PM

It's me again. I'm in the closet writing as usual. Father's in a foul mood. If I've learned anything in these twelve years, it's "out of sight, out of mind." 

In other words, as Father lashes out at Mother, I hide. That way, he doesn't even remember I exist. My Slytherin friend - - - if you could call him that - - - taught me that.

I remember that Slytherin's name. It's Lucius. Lucius Malfoy. He's dating this really snobby girl named Narcissa. I don't know what her last name is, and personally, I don't care.

She looks as if a piece of dung's being held under her nose. She always looks like that. It's rather revolting if you ask me.

I like a girl, too, but she's dating bloody Potter. Her name is Lily. She's a really pretty girl with dark red hair and green eyes. She's really nice and doesn't seem to mind me much. Potter and his friends - - - Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew - - - are always hexing me. It's not fair. I hate them so much.

They also call me a greasy git. It's because of my black hair, I'm sure. It's rather oily, but that's not my fault. It's shoulder length, too, mainly because that's how Father's is styled.

Potter. He's the worst. Honestly, I don't see how those Gryffindors can stand him. Black's pretty bad too. Pettigrew's quiet, not very outspoken like his friends. Lupin's also rather quiet at times, but he'll join in the fun if he feels up to it.

Father's coming towards this closet. He's probably chasing Mum. I haven't been paying much attention to it really. It's the same every night.

Father's a Death Eater, I don't think I've mentioned that. But he's also an alcoholic. I wager he's a few drinks in him at the moment. It'll pass, and he'll regret it and pour all the alcoholic beverages down the drain. Then he'll go out and buy more.

It's confusing, as you may have noticed. The doorbell's ringing. Mum's sobbing, but she keeps her composure and wipes her eyes, and advances upon the door.

She's peering out the peephole and then she opens the door. It's the police. 

"Neighbors complaining again, Mrs. Snape," coughed the officer. "Say they can hear screams. They're getting irritated."

"I'm sorry, Sir. Another nightmare. My son - - - he was screaming," she lied.

"Try to keep it down," replied the officer.

"Yes Sir," she whispered and softly shut the door.

She always knows where I hide, and she's opening the closet.

"Severus," she whispered, "Please come out. Your father's asleep."

I shook my head. "No." I look down at my journal. "I don't trust you."

She pulled me into a hug, causing me to drop this "diary", and then let me stay cooped up in this closet.

I'll write again later if I feel up to it.

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This entry uploaded on: 8.27.02

A/N: These are super short entries so far, but I'll make them longer as I get into the fic, I promise.


	4. Entry Three

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Entry Three

June 15, 1973

4:30 AM

Sorry I haven't written in a while. As you may have noticed, it's quite early. My birthday's tomorrow. I'll be thirteen. I'm sort of looking forward to it. I'll get a new owl, most likely. And perhaps a new wand. I certainly need it.

Besides that, I doubt I'll get anything to my interests. Maybe a few books on Potions. And the Dark Arts. I like those topics. Defense Against the Dark Arts is one of my favorite subjects, like Potions is too.

Father's in the kitchen getting a drink of water. Or maybe he's in the bathroom. I don't know. I'm not supposed to be up, though, since it's so early.

Mother's asleep. She said she'd make me anything for breakfast today. She makes wonderful eggs. And bacon. Really good bacon. I love Mother. She's my best friend.

It's quite peculiar, really. You'd expect a boy's best friend to be his father. Not in my case. I mean, I love Father to death, but Mother is someone I have a connection with. My mother's really pretty, too. Her name's Cassandra. Father's name is Santiago. He's got a weird name, but I never told him that.

Oh, he's coming. I have to go. Sorry I didn't write long. I promise I'll write later today, after I open all my gifts.

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This entry uploaded on: 8.27.02


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